The Boondocks: Huey Has A Bad Day
by Nilesmac
Summary: The Boondocks. Huey does all he can to avoid the inevitable disaster that is Saturday.
1. Wrong Side of the Bed

**This is my first boondocks script. I'd appreciate feedback of what you guys think!**

**Chapter 1: Wrong Side of the Bed**

The sun shines through Huey's bedroom window illuminating his face. He opens his eyes slowly.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror he glares at his weary refection.

Huey: (narrative) "You can usually tell at the start of the day if it's gonna be shit or not. And today I had one of those feelings it was gonna be one of those days, of the bullshit variety."

He begins to brush his teeth when there's suddenly pounding on the door.

_WHAM! WHAM!_

Riley: "Huey, what are you constipated? The fuck is talking you so long. Nigga, drink your prune juice then come back and try again!"

Huey: (narrative) "My shitty day sensors were tingling."

Riley: "Oh. I get what you're doing in there. Rub one out on your own time. Ha ha ha! Hey Granddad, guess what Hueys doing in your bathroom!"

Later Huey is downstairs. He reaches into the cabinet and grabs a soda. He heads over to the living room and takes a seat on the couch next to Riley.

Larry King: (TV) "We are live on Larry King with special guest Lady Gaga promoting her new album. Now tell me Gaga, with your credible past precedents as a gogo dancer, movie extra, and now a pop icon, what's you're educated thoughts on religion and faith in this country."

Lady Gaga: (TV): "Well, Larry. I think religion is wrong. It starts wars and teaches discrimination towards women. In my personal opinion, everyone should just embrace Jesus, ya know? Jesus isn't even religion. Fuck religion, and yeah Jesus!"

Larry King: (TV) "Well it looks like we got our first caller. What's your name caller?"

Huey is holding a phone up to his ear on the couch.

Huey: (TV) "Huey Freeman."

Larry King: (TV) "Alright Huey. What is your question for Lady Gaga?"

Huey: (TV) "A belief in Jesus is religion, you dumb cunt."

Larry King: (TV) Okay. Not really a question, but care to elaborate Huey?"

Huey: (TV) "If Jesus acted in any way as the bible described him, he was constantly preaching among thousands of people. And he wasn't just preaching a philosophy he was preaching that he himself was divine. He was telling people that he was the son of God, and that God performed miracles through him. Why do you think he had an entourage of people following him around who gave up all their possessions to obey his edicts? As soon as you tell people you have the voice of a divine higher power and that people should follow what you say, well then you just birthed a religion."

Larry King: (TV) "Well. He's got you there, bitch."

Riley grabs the phone from Huey.

Riley: (TV) "And I, Huey Freeman, would also like to take this opportunity to announces to the world that I'm gay."

Huey wrestles Riley for the phone but Riley hangs up before he could get it from him.

Larry King: (TV) "Well. Congratulations to Huey Freeman for coming out of the closest. Huey Freeman, ladies and gentlemen,just announced to the world that he rather enjoys to blow boat people. And for the people in the audience who might not know what that terminology means, it's when someone, like Huey Freeman, gets a boner really hard and puts it in there wet….."

Riley: "Oh, shit. Its 9:30. Change it to BET, I wanna see if Young Jeezy is still on the 106 count down."

Huey ignores him and takes a swig of his soda.

Riley: "Hey. Change this shit to BET."

No response from Huey.

Riley: "Ugh. Okay. I'm sorry I made the world think you're gay now on Larry King. Now Change the channel, please?"

Huey takes another sip of his soda.

Riley: (blustering) "I don't wanna hear this butterface talk to me bout' Jesus, now Huey change the channel!"

Huey continues to be unresponsive to the demand.

Riley: "Look. I don't wanna ask twice."

Huey: "Really? Because you just asked me four different ways."

Riley starts wrestling Huey for the remote. Robert enters the living room.

Robert: "Stop foolin' around and come outside boys. Your old granddads got something special for you two outside!"

Riley: "This ain't over."

Riley starts smelling Huey.

Riley: "I can smell the bitch on you."

Huey pushes Riley off him.

Huey: "Get away from me. It's weird to just start smelling someone, right?"

Robert leads his grandsons outside to the drive way where there's a red bicycle equipped with streamers, a white basket at the handle bars, and topped off with a bike bell.

Robert: "That's right. I got you two a brand spanking new bike!"

Huey: "Just one?"

Robert: "I figured I'd do something special for both my grand kids after I collected my tax rebate."

Riley: "Oh, hell yeah!"

Huey looks at Riley—"_What the hell?"_

Riley starts inspecting the bike up close.

Riley: "Damn, Granddad you the best, for real!"

Robert: "Now, Huey. Make sure nothing goes wrong when I'm at my poker game this afternoon. Because I ain't gonna be coming back early for nothing. NOTHING. You hear me? Not if Riley broke both his legs and needed a ride to the hospital. Got it?"

Huey: "Whatever."

Robert gets into his car and drives off.

Huey: "That was awfully nice of you to act so enthusiastic about granddad's gift, Riley."

Riley: "What act? Man, you gotta check this out. It's fitted with a bell, it got streamers n'shit. Pimp status, nigga. PIMP STATUS!"

Later Huey is lying down on his bed reading. He puts the book aside and starts staring at the ceiling.

Huey: (narrative) "Maybe if I just stay out of everyone's way, I won't get caught up in Saturday's bullshit."

Riley sticks his head in the room.

Riley: "Hey, Huey. Yo girls coming to see me. Ha ha ha!"

Huey: "Who's my girl?"

Riley: "Don't play me, son. I know you and Jasmine be all touching up on each other."

Huey: "Sure, whatever. Why is Jasmine coming to see you?"

Riley walks into the room.

Riley: "Uh. She wants to talk to you about some stuff. I don't know."

Huey: "So it still sounds like she's coming over to see me, right?"

Riley: "Yeah, but I'm the one she talked to on the phone saying she wants to come over, and I be like aight, whatever."

Huey: "That's just semantics."

Riley: "Pffft. What are you a gay scientist?"

Huey: "What?"

Riley: "You and your gay science words. Hey Shakesqueer why don't you go do brain surgery, Mr. Scientist. He he!"

Huey: "Oh, wow. Let's see, wrong profession, wrong objective, and wrong pronunciation of Shakespeare's name, intentional?"

Riley: "Yeah. It's ShakesQUEER because you's a gay scientist! OOOH! What's up now?"

Huey: "OOOH. Don't be proud. Shakespeare wasn't a scientist."

Riley: "Whatever, everybody still thinks you gay now, so who cares?"

Huey gets out of bed and heads out while Riley eyes him the whole way. Once Huey leaves Riley goes over and grabs the book Huey was reading off his bed.

"_Richard Dawkins: The God Delusion."_

Riley: "I knew it. Huey worships the devil."


	2. Caught in Confrontation

**This chapter may have gotten a little silly because I was having so much fun with Huey's and Riley's dialogue exchanges. XD**

**Feedback is still appreciated!**

**Chapter 2: Caught in Confrontation**

Riley is walking downstairs zipping up his hoodie. Once he reaches the bottom of the stairs Huey stands in front of him at the door.

They stare at each other for a long beat.

Riley: "Move, nigga! The fuck you doing?"

Huey: "Where are you going?"

Riley: "It's none of your bitchness."

Huey: "Actually it is my bitchness because Grandad put me in charge to supervise you when he left for his poker game."

Riley: "Look Uncle Tom, I'm just gonna go out for a ride on the new bike so I can jack some poon. Now quit being a hater and move out the way."

Huey: "You're going to jack some poon on a red bicycle?"

Riley: "Yeah."

Huey: "You're talking about the one with the streamers, right?"

Riley: "Yeah."

Huey: "And a bell?"

Riley: "Gotta get a bitches attention somehow."

Huey: "With a basket on the handle bars?"

Riley: "The baskets the most important necessity of the bike for jacking poon."

Huey: "How?"

Riley: "The baskets the only place the bitches can put their purse at because, you know, bitches always be carrying shit. How am I supposed to pick her up for a ride if she's carrying a bunch of shit like make up, or like a chiwawa or something?"

Huey: "Doesn't really matter does it because the bike only has one seat, right?"

Riley: "If their big booty goes clap they can sit on my lap."

Huey: "What? Regardless, you can do circles in the drive way and that's it. Are we clear?"

Riley: "Do you see Kim Kardashian doing a naked crab walk on our fucking drive way? No! So I need to go shut it down at the mall nigga!"

Huey: "You're not leaving the drive way."

Riley jukes for the door knob. Huey grabs him and begins pushing him away.

Huey wins the struggle and uses his foot to kick Riley to the ground.

Riley: "Huey why do you always gotta be such a dumb shit, hater?"

Huey: "I'm not. Grandad doesn't want you doing that. Why do you always have to be so selfish Riley? I don't want to get in trouble because you don't listen."

Riley gets to his feet and charges only to meet Huey's foot to his face and lands back on his back.

Riley gets up and glares at Huey. Without saying anything he heads up stairs.

Huey takes a deep breath - _Phew!_

Huey: (narrative) "Things were already getting a little crazy, and I have a feeling Saturday was just getting started."

Riley climbs down out the window of his room using a tied together rope from his bed sheets. He reaches ground and darts across the lawn to the drive way, only to find Huey put a wheel clamp on the bike.

Riley: "GOD DAMNIT!"

Later.

Defeated, Riley is slumped over sitting on a chair in his room listening to the radio.

Riley: "Man, I'm missing out on all the afternoon poon. And Grandads gonna be back in only a couple of hours."

Yong Jeezy: (Radio) "Yo, I got my Jesus pieces round' my neck, know what I'm saying? To hell wit all this games playa' haters! There's no one in the business strong enough to scare me, so I stay scheming on them hoes, no gimmicks. Only God can judge, ya feel that? If these niggas don't feel that, then fuck em'! Fuck em' tell they dead. Then become a necromancer, and drink the blood of an iguana, and do a voodoo ritual to bring them niggas back to life, and then fuck em again!"

Radio Interviewer: (Radio) "Uh, okay Jeezy. But the question was what are you doing for porn?"

Young Jeezy: (Radio) "Well. Have you heard of the kids movie '_The Pirates! Band of Misfits'_? I'm in the upcoming spin-off '_The Butt Pirates! Band of Big Di-"_

Riley's body poster suddenly fixes as an epiphany hits him.

Riley: "Yeah, Jeezy. I'm wit'cha baby, if they don't feel it, fuck em'. That hater thinks he can cock block Young Reezy?"

Riley heads out the room.

Radio Interviewer: (Radio) "Can you give us a little teaser for the movie, Jeezy?"

Young Jeezy: (Radio) "Let's just say there are some shower scenes, in which soaps are dropped."

Radio Interviewer: (Radio) "It sounds like a really good time."

Young Jeezy: (Radio) "Oh, it was."

Meanwhile Robert, Tom, and Uncle Ruckcus are sitting around a table playing poker.

Tom: "I'm very health conscious so I jog all the time. So because I'm a jogger I get these cramps every now and then in my calves. But all of a sudden now the cramps started happening more frequently. So I ask the doctor 'Is this venous disease? How could I even get a disease, Doctor? Did I mention I jog all the time?'"

There's a slight pause as everyone at the table tosses their chips in.

Robert: "Tom. I don't know what the fuck you just said, and frankly, I don't know why you said it. But what I do know is ya'll are bout to get JACKED!"

Robert throws down his cards revealing 3 jacks. Everyone else throws down their cards in defeat as Robert collects the pot.

Robert: "Ha ha! See it and weep, ladies!"

Roberts's cell phone starts ringing.

Robert: "Hello?"

Riley: "Hey, granddad. What's going on?"

Robert: "Boy what the hell you want? Don't you know I'm busy?"

Riley: "I was just wondering how long you gon' be gone for?"

Robert: "Shoot. I don't know, two more hours. Why?"

Riley: "Maybe you should also go see that new Tracey Morgan movie. I heard the reviews on it are pretty good."

Robert: "There's no way in hell I'm seeing no God damn Tracey Morgan movie. All he ever does is play a dumb black guy. It's disgraceful is what it is, makes us look bad as a collective. Tracey Morgan is why racism still exists."

Riley: "Well. What about that new Will Ferrell movie. He funny, right?"

Robert: "Hmm. You know what boy, that's not a bad idea. But why are you-"

Riley: "Aight, peace!"

Riley hangs up

Robert: "Hello?"

Huey is sitting on the floor in the living room meditating.

He's is lost in a deep meditative fantasy.

In his fantasy he is wandering aimlessly in pitch darkness holding a single lit match.

Huey: (narrative)"The shaolin monks meditated for 6 hours a day to get rid of the destruction within them inserted from the outer world. They often did it inside mountains or a forest, away from the chaos of civilization. I bet they could make the stress of days like these their bitch."

He comes to a sudden stop in the fantasy. He closes his eyes and pinches the lit tip of the match, engulfing himself in complete darkness.

Huey: (narrative) "If we all could just take the time to find that inner peace within ourselves we'd probably be a lot less destructive as a species."

The darkness then vanishes revealing a glowed up beautiful land scape of lush green grass, clear water streams, and a cloudless sky watching overhead. It's as good as an inaugural memory as one could wish.

Huey's fantasy breaks to the noise of crunching sounds.

Riley is stomping on a cluster of Marlin Manson CDs in front of him holding a bible, whilst fitted with a Jesus piece.

Huey: "Uh, Riley?"

Riley: "That's right mother fucker! There Marlin Manson CDs, pisses you off don't it?"

Huey: "Where did you even get every Marlin Manson CD? Actually, just go away."

Riley: "Nigga I know what you Satanist do! All the eating of baby fetuses, sacrificing goats, reading Jean Paul Sartre, and shoving turkey basters up your ass."

Huey: "Okay, that last part didn't make any sense. And do you even know what it means to be a Satanist?"

Riley: "I read about it."

Huey: "I doubt you've read anything ever."

Riley: "And I know you're gonna go into me and Granddads dreams when were asleep and kill us, which then will kill us in real life. That's a bitch move, Huey!"

Huey: "Nigga that's A Nightmare on Elms Street."

Riley: "Doesn't mean it's not true."

Huey: "Yes it does, because it's a movie."

Riley: "A movie based on facts."

Huey: "A movie based on fiction."

Riley: "A movie based on fiction facts."

Huey: "That's an oxymoron, and besides the movie has nothing to do with Satanist in the first place."

Riley: "OOOH. Shakesqueer strikes again everybody, with his gay ass science talk. Hey I have an idea, why don't you go build me a rocket ship, Shakesqueer?"

Huey: "Look, I don't even know what's going on right now. You come in here stomping on Marlin Manson CDs, and evidently are a complete cinephile lunatic….. Can you just tell me how I can make you go away?"

Riley: "Unlock the wheel clamp you put on the new bike!"

Huey stands up and gets into Riley's face.

Huey: "Not gonna do that, Riley."

Riley: "I ain't scared of you nigga and I know without an essence of fear you're ineffectual."

Huey: "That would be true but I'm not Freddy Kruger, I feel like we just went over this. Also, I'm not a Satanist, I'm agnostic"

Riley: "Then I'll shove a silver bullet so far up your ass…."

Huey: "Werewolves, Riley. Those are werewolves you're now thinking of. Agnostic's aren't werewolves either."

Riley: "Whatever, nigga. Point is I'm kicking your ass."

Huey: (narrative) "The craziness was setting in already. I needed to make like a Suge Knight check and bounce before it was too late."

The doorbell rings. _Ding-Dong!_


	3. Get lots of bitches but ain't Bitch Made

**This chapter was my attempt at story arching. If it seems jumbled or anything let me know, it's definitely a learning process.**

**Chapter 3: Get lots of bitches but ain't Bitch Made**

Huey walks away from Riley to go answer the door.

Riley: "Oooooo. Just walk away, Huey. Walk away from your problems!"

Huey looks through the door peephole and sees Jasmine in a girl scouts outfit, with a wagon filled with cookies behind her.

He opens the door.

Jasmine: "Hi, Huey!"

Huey looks at her blankly for a beat.

Huey: "….You need something?"

Jasmine: "So, my scout master told me I had to pick a partner for the cookie door to door sales and _blah blah blah_…."

Huey tunes out of what Jasmine is saying.

Huey: "That's it. Saturday was banging on all cylinders now.."

Jasmine: "_Blah blah blah_…."

Huey: (narrative) "It was time to make a move."

Jasmine: "_Blah blah blah_… But I said no need Mr. Snachter because Amanda obviously would rather partner up with Javonie, and besides I already have a best friend who will help me. Oh Huey, you could try out your new bicycle and we could deliver all the cookies on bikes!"

Riley over hears from the living room.

Riley: "Huey, don't you dare touch that bike!"

Huey sprints past Jasmine across the yard and Riley promptly follow suits.

Huey tosses the key on the drive way turning Riley's attention off him while keeping his pace down the street.

Riley ganks the key and unlocks the wheel clamp on the bike and immediately hops on it.

Riley: "Oh, hell yeah!"

Jasmine: "Riley, where's Huey going? Why did he run off? What's going on?"

Riley rings the bike bell.

_Bring! Bring!_

Riley: "Yeah, you like this bell, girl?"

Jasmine: "Huh?"

_Bring!_

Riley: "You think this bell is sexy, girl? Does this bell make your vagina wet, girl?"

Meanwhile…

Robert gets out of his car and heads over to the theater.

Robert: (Singing) "Movie time, its movie time. Gonna see a movie because it's…"

He stops as a movie poster at the theater catches his attention.

The movie poster depicts Tracey Morgan wearing suspenders and shrugging with a title caption above saying "The Nigga Who Couldn't Read."

Robert grumbles angrily and heads to the ticket counter.

Robert: "One ticket to that new Will Ferrell movie, please."

Teller: "Sorry, all tickets are sold out for that movie."

Robert: "Nooo!"

Teller: "But you should be able to catch the Tracey Morgan movie. It should still be showing movie trailers."

Robert: "Nooo!"

Teller: "The next showing for the Will Ferrell movie isn't tell 2: 30, unfortunately. Would you like tickets to the Tracey Morgan one?"

Robert: "Alright, fine."

Huey is deep in another meditative fantasy.

In the fantasy he's trotting along a grassy field with green trees and clear water streams. He looks up to a beautiful blue sky. The sun is bright, but he feels cool, even a bit damp. He relaxes his shoulders and draws in a deep breath but immediately begins coughing as he expels blood and dirt that he inhaled into his lungs.

He cringes out of his fantasy. He's sitting underneath a tree on a hill that overlooks Woodcrest, he closes his eyes and takes in another deep breath and goes back to focusing on meditating.

Meanwhile…

Riley stops his bike near behind a group of girls in a circle talking on the side walk. There all oblivious to his presence.

Cindy: "All you have to do is walk into any Foot Locker store with your oldest, most worn out pair of kicks you own, okay…"

Riley rings his bike bell. _Bring!_

Cindy: "But don't forget to bring along a grocery bag or whatever to put your old shoes in, that way they can't catch on to you, or something wack. Next, take the box containing the new pair of kicks you want and head to the back of the store where no one can see you, and just take them out….."

_Bring! Bring!_

Cindy: "…the box and put your old shoes that you brought in with in the box..

_Bring! Bring! Bring!_

Cindy: "…..Then put the new fly ones you picked out inside the bag you took in. And then you can just walk out of there like a hero, or whatever. No joke, Rosey and I…"

_Bring! Bring! Bring!_

Cindy turns around.

Cindy: "Will you shut fuck up with that stupid bell?"

Riley: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm just saying maybe one of you girls would like to put yo purse in this basket and we could go for a-"

Cindy picks up a rock and chucks it at Riley.

Riley: "Ow! The hell?"

Upon seeing this, the other girls decided to join in on the rock throwing.

Riley: "Ow! What's wrong with you all? Ya'll are crazy!"

Cindy: "What? I thought you had something to say, faggot!"

Riley: "Yeah, make sure to wear a warm jacket tonight when you working the streets, hoe! I hear August nights get especially chilly!"

Cindy: "What was that?"

Cindy charges at Riley, but Riley turns around and rides off.

Cindy: "Oh, Reezy don't want none of this, do he? Reezy don't want no beef with Cindy, nooooo! You's a pussy Reezy! A PUSSY!"

Riley continues to ride down the sidewalk; he cuts a turn and accidently rides through a group of niggas. He rides over one of their shoes.

Thug: "Oh no you didn't just run over my kicks!"

Riley is promptly grabbed from behind off his bike.

Riley: "What's the big de-"

Thug: "Shut up!"

Riley eats his words as one of the niggas puts a switch blade to his throat. Riley swallows nervously.

Thug: "You know how National Treasure ended?….."

Riley: "Uh, that dude Ben Gates gets a big compensation from the government and then moves into a mansion with Abigail Chase?"

Thug: "….With a shanking. They all got shanked."

Riley: "What? No they didn't. Riley Poole drove off in a Ferrari closing scene. "

Thug: "Are you really arguing with a nigga who's got a knife to your throat?"

Riley: "No! You're right, you're right!"

Thug: "Then ask yourself, punk. Do you want to end up like Ben Gates and his friends did at the end of that movie?"

Riley: "Based on how the actual events in the movie transpired…. Yes. But based on your knife shanking rendition, no."

Thug: "Then you wouldn't mind if I take this bike then, NUGGAH?"

Riley weighed his options in his head for a few seconds before deciding he was having none of it. He shoves the thug back and kicks him the nuts. But his his stand proves frivolous as the rest of the thug's homies proceeds to beat him down.

It's a sunny day and Huey is lying in the shade on his back with his eyes closed, and a blissful feeling of peace swirling through his brain. His every muscle is relaxed. There is no tension in any part of his body. He feels completely at ease. He suddenly hears someone saying his name.

He opens his eyes and sees a group of black figures standing around him; one of them reaches out and grabs him.

Huey cringes as his fantasy breaks. Jasmine is next to him leaning into his ear.

Jasmine: "Huey….. Huey…. Hello can you hear me?"

Huey doesn't make eye contact with her.

Huey: "Hi, Jasmine."

Jasmine: "I knew I'd find you here. I thought I'd come by and we could split this box of cookies since it looks like I don't' have anyone to partner with for the door to door cookie sales."

Huey: "I thought you said your best friend was going to help you, though?"

Jasmine looks crushed.

Jasmine: "Um, he ditched me."

Huey: "Well. That sucks."

Huey gets up and leaves, Jasmine is left standing there holding her cookie box.

Jasmine: "Yeah…"

Later…

Huey closes the door behind him as he enters the house.

Huey: "Hello? Granddad? Riley?"

He sighs in relief as there's no response. He's all alone finally.

Just then the doorbell rings.

_Ding-Dong!_

Huey rolls his head back and groans.


	4. Brace Yourselves, The Niggas Are Coming

**Chapter 4: Brace yourselves, the Niggas are Coming**

Huey opens the door to see a bruised up, in tears Riley.

Huey: "Where have you been?"

Riley: "Fuck you is where I've been! Use your eyes nigga, I got jumped!"

Huey: "Of course, and you lost the bike. Granddad is gonna be pissed. Riley why do you always gotta do stuff like this? Now I'm the one who's probably gonna get in trouble for this because I'm supposed to watch-"

Riley: "Wow, stop crying about it like a little bitch!"

Huey: "Look at your eyes. You're the one who's actually crying right now, so you're being the little bitch, right?"

Riley: "So! Quit hatin on a nigga cuz, like, you got very large genitals… and you all like jealous and shit about my small genitals…. all up on your mom's face….."

Huey: "Do you need to lay down or something?"

Riley: "Fuck you do I need to lay down or something!"

Huey: "Stop yelling, just calm down, alright? Now tell me what happened."

Riley wipes his tears from his eyes.

Riley: "Okay. So like, the bike was a total bitch magnet. I literally couldn't keep the bitches off me; I was getting so much love from them bitches you'd swear I was bitch made. But then some haters saw me jacking all the poon, so they hit me in the back of the hair."

Huey squints his eyes.

Huey: "In the back of the hair?"

Riley: "And then kicked me in the stomach too and stole the bike. Some bullshit."

Huey: "Did they also give you that big bruise on your forehead?"

Riley: "Uh, no. I was trying to get these bitches attention, but they just threw rocks at me."

Huey: "I thought you couldn't keep them off you?"

Riley: "What?"

Huey: "You said _'_I literally couldn't keep them bitches off me, I was getting so much love from the bitches you'd swear I was bitch made_'"._

Riley: "Not those bitch, okay? I got's love from other bitches!"

Huey: "Fine, whatever. Though you look pretty bad, you feeling alright?"

Riley: "Fuck you am I feeling alright!"

Huey: "Don't start up again with that fuck you thing, we were finally making progress…."

Riley: "Fuck you don't start up with that fuck you thing!"

Riley shoves Huey out the way and goes up stairs.

Huey pinches the ridge of his nose, using every fiber in his body to not lose his cool.

_WHAM!_

He slams the door shut.

Meanwhile….

Granddad is in his seat watching his movie.

In the movie scene Tracey Morgan is sitting in a restaurant talking to the waiter.

Waiter: "Here's your menu."

Tracey Morgan: "Aw shucks. This is no good to me, good sir. You see I'm just a nigga who can't read!"

An entire theater of white people erupts with laughter except Robert who sits their mumbling angrily with his arms crossed.

Back at the house.

Riley has BB guns laid out all over his bed. He stuffs an extra pistol in his pants and all the ammo he can stuff in his pockets.

He heads down stairs only to once again meet Huey at the door.

Huey: "Listen to me, Riley. You're just gonna make things worse if you go out for revenge. They'll just come back for you, you'll start a war."

Riley doesn't reply. He squeezes his grip around his BB pistol so tight his hand begins shaking.

Huey: "Oh, I get it you a killer now, huh? You got to go out to the streets and shoot somebody dead now, don't you?"

Riley doesn't reply.

Huey: "Well, go ahead then. I'll be you're first body bag, Riley. Start your killing spree here. What are you waiting for?"

Riley pulls the BB up to Huey's face in his shaky hand. After a moment, he can't do it. Riley breaks down to tears and embraces Huey. Huey holds him.

Riley: (crying) "Nigga stole my bike. Bitch ass nigga stole my bike."

Huey: "Shhhhh. I know he did. I know."

Later…..

_Ding-Dong!_

Huey opens the door and sees Jasmine standing outside.

Jasmine: "Hi, Huey! I still have a lot of these left over cookie boxes, so I was thinking we could split a box and watch a movie together?"

Huey: "Uhh…"

Before Huey can answer a black SUV pulls up on the street blasting loud rap music. It's Edward and Gin.

Jasmine: "Oh…. Did you have plans with Ed and Gin?"

Huey raises an eyebrow.

Huey: "No, I didn't invite them…. Wait a second."

Huey steps out the house just as Riley climbs down from the window using a rope made of his tied together bed sheets and runs across the yard.

Huey: "Riley!"

Riley hops in Edwards SUV and they take off.

Back in the theater….

The scene in the movie now depicts Tracey Morgan pulled over by a police officer.

Police Officer: "You realize you sped through that stop sign back there, boy?"

Tracey Morgan: "Excuse me Mr. Officer, but I didn't know it what the sign even said. You see, I'm just a nigga who can't read."

An entire audience of white people erupts in laughter, but not Robert.

Robert: "This' some bullshit!"

Riley is sitting in the back seat of the SUV. Gin in the passenger seat stops fishing around the back seats floor and comes up with a vodka bottle with no more than a few drops in it.

Edward: "Is that it? That's all you can find in this bitch?"

Gin tosses the bottle of vodka out the window.

Gin: "Clean your fucking car, Ed."

Edward: "So, Riley. What's the beef with these mother fuckers? Why out of nowhere we gotta pull up on these dudes with lights out and guns drawn n' everything?"

Riley: "It's personal, that's all I'm gonna say."

Edward: "Ay man, I get it. Sometimes mother fucker you just gotta bust a cap in some ass. Just last week, I shot some old lady dead, just for the fuck of it."

Riley: "You killed an old lady?"

Edward: "What? Listen. You know what your problem is, you don't listen."

Riley: "I did listen; you said you shot an old lady."

Edward: "You never listen, Riley!"

Gin is checking his phones gps.

Gin: "Okay, so you said these guys were at the street across from the Abercrombie & Fitch, right?"

Riley: "Yeah."

Gin: "Alright, that's coming up next turn."

Edward: "You know we should hit up that Abercrombie afterwards. Pick me up a pair of plaid shorts and a fedora; I've always wanted to be in a ska band."

Gin: "Focus, Ed."

Riley: "There they at!"

They pull up at the street corner where the group of thugs that jumped Riley earlier is standing.

Riley opens the door dual wielding his BB pistols.

Riley: "Click, click BOOM, bitches!"

The group immediately breaks for it down the street. Ed drives the car to match speeds with them down the block, Riley fires at them until the very last one of them collapse to the ground in pain.

He shuts the door and they ride off.

Huey and Jasmine are sitting on the couch watching TV.

Jasmine: "Hey, Huey. Why do all black comedians wear dresses in their movies?"

Huey: "Conspiracy of the white man."

Jasmine: "…Oh."

_Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong!_

Huey sits unresponsive.

Jasmine: "Well, aren't you going to answer it?"

Huey reluctantly heads over to answer the door yet again.


End file.
